The Football Ferns let themselves and their fans down very badly at Waikato Stadium on 17 February, capitulating 5-0 to a Portugal team which couldn't have wished for a better result leading into their FIFA Women's World Cup Qualifying Play-off at this venue in five days' time.
Not to put too fine a point on it, the Finals co-hosts were abysmal - and they know it. In the 37-year involvement this writer has had in New Zealand women's football, this performance ranks among the top five worst displays produced by the national side.
The others? The record 11-0 mauling dished out by North Korea in Brisbane in 2004 forever tops the bill, with the previous record defeat, an 8-0 hiding from Germany in Dresden six years prior, hard on its heels.
Then there was the 6-0 drubbing at the hands of Australia in Canberra in 2007 - Ali Riley's first appearance for New Zealand, with today's match her 150th, a milestone she wanted to mark so differently.
The worst performance on home soil - at least before this insipid display - also saw the Football Ferns succumb by a 5-0 scoreline, Canada prevailing at North Harbour Stadium on a chastening evening in early June, just three months out from our first FIFA Women's World Cup Finals appearance in sixteen years in 2007.
This time round, we are five months out from co-hosting the biggest sporting event this country will ever entertain, and the work that needs doing is fundamental stuff which should have been set in stone long ago.
Team structure, first and foremost. In order to play three at the back, those chosen have to be highly proficient technicians, masters of their art. The New Zealand football team, be it club or representative in nature, which satisfies this criterion has yet to take the field at any level of the game, such is our reliance on ye olde "hoof 'n' hope football", which has been instilled in so many in this country since the days when Noah wore desert wellies!
We aren't good enough to play three at the back, especially when there are gaping holes in behind the wingbacks which invite the opposition to exploit said holes at will. As soon as that happens, the back three get pulled out of position trying to cover up the deficiencies … you know the rest!
Next, passing. How many times have you read about this basic attribute of the game not being satisfied in these reports? Rather than sound repetitive, herewith a quote from Bill Shankly on the subject: "Football is a simple game based on the giving and taking of passes, of controlling the ball and of making yourself available to receive a pass. It is terribly simple".
Doing the simple things well is something the Football Ferns need to master. Sharpish!
Shanks touched on controlling the ball in that quote, another shortcoming which Jitka Klimkova's charges didn't consistently perform to the standards expected of them, and they of themselves, in this nightmare on Seddon Road.
The worst offender was a player who, in truth, shouldn't have been anywhere near the starting line-up. Kate Taylor has hardly kicked a ball in anger for Wellington Phoenix in recent weeks due to a foot injury.
Quite why she was given ninety minutes for the national team when nowhere near match-sharp defies logic. That lack of match sharpness showed in her controlling of passes, both executed and received, and directly contributed to two of the goals.
Moral to the story? You don't drop a young kid - and let's not forget, "KT"'s still a teenager - in it in this way and leave her with a recurring nightmare from which she'll need time to recover.
She's a good 'un, is Taylor, and has strong leadership credentials - she'll captain this team in years to come. But she didn't and doesn't deserve this treatment - that's a bad mark on management, and one hopes an apology is forthcoming to a young player who's mature beyond her years, and took one for the team on a night no one sporting the silver fern from the kick-off satisfied the standards expected of them, or of themselves.
As the Football Ferns traipsed through the Mixed Zone post-match, it was evident to all that a few tears had been shed, and the crestfallen looks said more than would any number of words. These players were clearly hurting - rightly, for if you come off the field having shipped five and you're full of the joys of spring afterwards, you don't belong.
There were only two positives to emerge from this match for the Football Ferns, the first being that this result and performance didn't happen in the Finals themselves - such a display when the entire world is watching would be borderline apocalyptic for the image of the game in New Zealand.
The other plus is seeing just how much these players care about the team of which they are part. They don't need to read this or other stories on the match to know they failed to do justice to the shirt on Friday night. That fact alone hurts each one of them. Deeply.
Many will say "So it should", and with justification aplenty. Be assured, from the evidence of their facial expressions post-match, walking through the Mixed Zone - the last thing you want to do as a player when you've copped a hiding on home turf - every single member of the Football Ferns squad, non-players also, was taking this result hard.
To a woman, they'll look in the mirror tonight, tomorrow, and doubtless every day between now and the conclusion of this Women's World Cup campaign, vowing "Never again". And the first chance to prove the fact takes place at this same venue in three days' time, with Argentina providing the opposition.
Beware the wounded animal, warrior princesses on the rebound, players who know all too well that tonight's showing was "NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH!!!" and who will be eager to see the things they want to see written about themselves appearing again sooner rather than later, as they set about re-establishing footballing credentials which took a battering tonight.
Having disgorged over a thousand words on the shortcomings of the Football Ferns, let us turn to Portugal, and afford them due praise for exploiting their opponents' failings in merciless fashion - it's time for the match report!
Not that you'd know it from the result, but the Football Ferns began the contest in fluent fashion. Just five minutes in, Katie Bowen and Ali Riley combined on the left, Hannah Wilkinson their intended target.
Ana Seica headed the ball clear, but only as far as Olivia Chance, who relished the chance to perform in the city where she made her name with Claudelands Rovers. She strode forward and unleashed a fizzing twenty-five yarder which Patricia Morais could only parry, Silvia Rebelo scrambling the loose ball to safety before Wilkinson could react.
After a wayward Jessica Silva cross had failed to reward Vanessa Marques' industry on halfway, Portugal went close to opening the scoring in the thirteenth minute, Marques sending a shot flying over the bar after Taylor had failed to clear Ana Borges' ball forward, allowing Telma Encarnacao to
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get in behind the defence and pull the ball back from the by-line.
Back came the natives, Betsy Hassett leading the charge, bursting into the penalty area before Borges intervened, the forward-turned-fullback getting away with a pass-back to the 'keeper - Venezuelan referee Emikar Calderas' display was good in patches, average in others.
Cue the goal which silenced the 3,788 fans - there seemed to be more present - and sent the Portuguese on their way to a maiden victory over the Football Ferns, who had won their only previous encounter 1-0, an Algarve Cup tussle in Albufeira in 2016.
Lucia Alves played the ball into a gaping hole behind Catherine Bott, whose natural tendency to press forward rather than defend space was exposed time and again in this contest, this the first occasion. Hers wasn't the only blemish, however.
Encarnacao was the beneficiary of her fullback's release, and duly invited Alves, who was following up in support, to delivery quality again. She duly obliged, a doozie of a cross which any striker worth their salt would love to see heading their way.
Jessica Silva was duly rewarded for her darting run in behind the ball-watching Taylor to head home beyond Erin Nayler - 1-0 Portugal, just seventeen minutes into the contest.
Straight from the kick-off, the Ferns hit back, Gabrielle Rennie battering the ball home in style. But Wilkinson had strayed offside before receiving Chance's pass, much to the dismay of the locals, fans and coaching staff alike.
Eager to make amends for that blemish, Wilkinson latched onto a loose pass in the 21st minute and held the ball up well before bringing Malia Steinmetz into play. She switched play to Bott, whose deep cross beyond the far post found Wilkinson soaring skywards to meet it. Her header inside was controlled by Chance, who drilled her volley straight at Morais.
Terrific pressure from Steinmetz followed, the midfield anchor terrier-like in her pursuit of the ball, forcing both Seica and Morais into hasty actions. Bott was the beneficiary, latching onto the goalkeeper's clearance before firing in a cross which the recovering figure of Morais swatted to safety.
Cue a Portuguese counter-attack, which broke down upon Bowen's intervention. She played the ball to Taylor, but her touch gifted possession to Ana Capeta, who set up Encarnacao for a thumping twenty-yarder which was driven straight at Nayler.
Five minutes later, terrific improvisation by Encarnacao saw her keep an attack alive by back-heeling the ball - which was about to cross the by-line - into the stride of Jessica Silva. Her cross arced beyond Capeta but found Marques flying in on the far post, over which she directed her improvised shot.
The visitors started to gain the ascendancy from this point, although there were cameos of good from the Football Ferns' perspective, Chance and Bowen rising above the parapet to produce pieces of play at both ends of the park which had patrons purring in response.
Six minutes before half-time, Capeta found herself in yards of space on the left, with Claudia Bunge forced to come across in cover in the absence of the still-retreating Bott. The striker played the ball back to Andreia Norton, whose cross was flicked on by Encarnacao for Silva. She took the ball past Taylor, whose late lunge left the opening goalscorer faceplanting terra firma.
It was as clear-cut a penalty as you could possibly wish to see, so quite why it took the best part of two minutes for the Video Assistant Referee to confirm what was clearly evident to the naked eye Lord alone knows. Referee Calderas eventually pointed to the spot, from which Dolores Silva doubled Portugal's lead three minutes before half-time.
Right on the stroke of the interval, Bott played in a slide-rule pass which had Wilkinson's name written all over, and would have left her one on one with Morais had it reached her. Seica's timely intervention ensured the visitors would head to the sheds two goals to the good.
Half-time substitute Meikayla Moore was quick to make an impact on proceedings in the second spell, delivering a wickedly flighted cross into the heart of the goalmouth which Morais could only punch weakly off Bott's head.
It was enough to spark a counter-attack, however, half-time substitute Diana Silva - one of four changes made at the break by Portugal - scooting clear on the left. Her pull-back from the by-line saw Encarnacao poised to steer the ball home, but Taylor's timely intrusion denied her on this occasion.
On the hour, Catarina Amado played Marques in behind the defence, but she drove her cross straight at Nayler. A near-carbon copy of the attack played out in the 63rd minute, with Bowen this time found wanting by the pacy Diana Silva, whose low cross to the far post was driven home by Capeta.
After Alves had rattled the advertising hoardings, Capeta bagged her second goal in six minutes, Encarnacao's round-the-corner pass rewarding her team-mate's untracked run. Capeta duly drilled the ball home into the far corner of the net - 4-0.
Worse was to come for the Football Ferns, eleven minutes from time. Diana Silva won the ball in midfield and played it wide to Amado, who instantly played a pass through the inside-right channel for her team-mate to latch onto.
Silva duly flighted a delightful cross to the far post which Tatiana Pinto soared above all-comers to meet, guiding her header into the far corner of the net beyond Nayler's despairing dive for number five.
They could have scored more - Diana Silva outpaced Taylor before battering a shot into the near post side-netting when a sixth goal seemed certain, while four minutes from time, Amado drilled a shot across the face of goal after Pinto had powered through the middle, moments before she somehow contrived to head over the bar from six yards on receipt of a cross from the offside figure of Amado.
In the dying minutes, the Football Ferns looked to snare a consolation goal, Paige Satchell's pace - both she and Grace Jale weren't found wanting after coming off the bench - taking her clear of all-comers before Hassett eventually arrived in support, closely followed by Daisy Cleverley. She invited Bowen to deliver a tantalising cross which Chance could only head tamely towards Morais.
Bott - booked yet again on international duty as her frustrations got the better of her late in the game - and Chance both chanced their arms from distance in stoppage time, but this one had long been over bar the shouting, and it was the Football Ferns who were facing the music. Well do they know it, but to emphasise the point, it was "NOT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH!!!"
Football Ferns: Nayler; Bunge (Moore, 46), Taylor, Bowen; Bott (booked, 77), Hassett, Steinmetz (Cleverley, 70), Chance, Riley (Anton, 64); Wilkinson (Jale, 64), Rennie (Satchell, 46)
Portugal: Morais; Borges (Amado, 46), Seica, Rebelo, Alves; Marques, Dolores Silva (F. Pinto, 46), Norton (T. Pinto, 46); J. Silva (Diana Silva, 46), Encarnacao (Gomes, 77), Capeta (booked, 37)
Referee: Emikar Calderas (Venezuela)
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