The headline of this story quotes a humorous phrase used on Merseyside to describe the fate of those who have endured the rough end of the stick in life from day one. It fairly accurately sums up the just-concluded National Soccer League season of New Zealand's flagship football club, Kingz FC. So largely abject have they been results-wise throughout the duration of the twenty-six round campaign that their fate - wooden spoon recipients for the second time in three seasons - was anticipated long before it was finally confirmed, in the third-to-last round, ironically after the Kingz had scored just their third win of the season. And that triumph marked what was by far their best performance of the campaign, too - a richly deserved 2-0 triumph over a South Melbourne side sporting any number of former Kingz employees. Inspired by late-season acquisitions Danny Hay and Noah Hickey, it really was the definitive Kingz performance, a throwback to the days of the club's first two campaigns - how long ago those days seem now. The hardy survivors from Bloc5's hey-day, who have stayed the distance over the five years of the club's existence to date, were in fine voice to mark the occasion, with the cornucopia of controversy who is Con Boutsianis understandably enduring far more verbal volleys than were received by the rest of the opposition put together!! The Kingz support base has seen any number of changes in personnel over the years, with seventy-nine players having donned the black jersey over the course of the club's life to date. Twenty-seven of them did so this season, with just nine players surviving from the 2002-3 campaign. Only Michael Utting, Chris Jackson, Mark Burton, Jeff Campbell, Harry Ngata, Darren Young, Mark Beldham, Jeremy Christie and Mauro Donoso ensured there was continuity in the Kingz set-up, with reserve goalkeeper Kaz Townsend also being retained, but not making an on-field appearance in either year. Why the high turnover? Going from a full-time operation to a part-time one was a factor, based simply on the fact that the club had to cut its cloth to suit. It meant the Kingz were able to offer only minimal fees to the likes of Steven Turner and James Pritchett, who, understandably, sought success elsewhere, and are currently plying their trade at Cambridge United. To cut a long story short, and describe it succinctly, no longer was Marks & Spencer's the shop of choice for Kingz FC acquisitions - instead, it was off to the local market to wheel and deal, a la Del Boy and Arthur Daley!! Consequently, whiz-kids were out, WYSIWYG was in, and when you can only pay peanuts … Of the new recruits who started the 2003-4 campaign, John Tambouras has proven to be by far the best of the signings - indeed, given the Kingz defensive frailties over the course of their existence, it's fair to say he's been one of the best-performed defenders ever to have played for the club. Tallan Martin has proven himself an honest trier, well worth persevering with, while Jason Rowley has very much come of age, having been, like Townsend, one of the unused players from the previous campaign. And in the absence of the oft-injured Utting, Ross Nicholson proved himself worthy of being given another chance at higher honours with some generally impressive displays between the sticks. Of the other newcomers to make ten or more appearances, David Rayner and Glen Collins both had their moments, as did Espen Schjerven, but it was the recruitment of Hay and Hickey for those last eight games which really saved the Kingz season - ten of the fifteen points they acquired came in the run-in to the end of the campaign. A campaign which began awfully - six straight defeats was anything but the start Ken Dugdale had in mind, as he pursued his ideal line-up from the combination of bargain basement signings, honest triers and, in the cases of Ngata, Jackson, Burton and Utting, some of New Zealand soccer's most consistent performers over the last decade, at his disposal. That said, more often than not the reversals were by a margin of one goal, and far too many of the goals conceded were through lapses of concentration at critical moments - frustrating for coaches, frustrating for fans, frustrating for the players themselves … The mix appeared to be coming together in the Kingz seventh game, when they secured a 2-2 draw

at Sydney Olympic. Far better was to follow, as an indisciplined Marconi was put to the sword at Ericsson Stadium, 3-1 the outcome, with Tambouras, Martin and Alex Midtsian's "Goal of the Season" candidate responsible for securing the Kingz their first home win for some fifty weeks! The following week saw the Kingz depart for South Melbourne without Dugdale, who parted company with the club on a point of principle surrounding team travel arrangements for that match. It meant a step-up to the top job for his assistant, Tommy Mason, who was on a hiding to nothing in his first game in charge, and duly saw his charges suffer their heaviest defeat of the season - a 6-0 tonking at Bob Jane Stadium. There was only one way to go from that result, but it proved to be the first of seven defeats in the next eight games, the highlight of which was a 1-1 draw at Brisbane Strikers. As before, the bulk of these defeats were by margins of one or two goals, save for the 4-0 hiding dished out by the defending champions, Perth Glory, which marked the turn of the year. January, of course, saw the global transfer window open, one of FIFA's wonderful ideas designed to control the inclination of the game's bigger clubs to recruit who they want when they want with money no object. While it has proven successful in its prime objectives, it has ultimately tended to do more harm than good for the majority of clubs whose mere existence has long been built around the need to be able to operate in the transfer market as and when required. The Kingz are very much in this category, as can be proven by the acquisitions, on three-year contracts, of Danny Hay and Noah Hickey - the immediate impact on the club's results will always lead one to wonder what might have been had Kingz FC been able to secure their services earlier in the season. Such was their impact that it's fair to say a second wooden spoon in three seasons could well have been avoidable - after all, the Kingz finished some eight points adrift of the team above them on the table, and as the new recruits' presence in the final third of the season helped the team record three wins and a draw from eight games … The point from the home draw with Wollongong commenced this sequence, with Hickey's pace providing Ngata with the ideal foil for his toilings in attack. In defence, Hay's experience and presence made a huge difference, but one should not underestimate the impact made by Michael Utting's return from injury, which coincided with his new team-mates' appearance. The final six weeks of the season gave Kingz fans much more cause for optimism. Yes, there were three odd-goal defeats, and the second of two defeats this season at Waikato Stadium. But interspersed with these were three three-pointers!! Wins at Wollongong - the club's come-from-behind 2-1 triumph was their first away win since March 7, 2003, and one recorded with ten men to boot - and, in the last two home games of the season, against South Melbourne (2-0) and Brisbane Strikers (4-3) have given Kingz fans reason to look forward to the new-look NSL campaign which kicks off in November. But it's not just because of the late-season on-field revival - the resolution of the goings-on behind-the-scenes has been just as important in the revival of Kingz FC as a going concern worth investing in. Swansea City owner/chairman Brian Katzen has succeeded Kingz FC founding member Chris Turner as the major shareholder, with Turner's role in the club now "minor, but nonetheless important", in the words of his successor. Katzen has appointed Guy Hedderwick to oversee matters on-site, the South African succeeding Peter Cox, whose time in the CEO, while brief, was highly effective. The changes have met with the approval of NZ Soccer, whose endorsement of the new arrangements is imperative if the club is to have its licence to continue to participate in the Australian NSL approved by FIFA. With these changes will come more new recruits, playing and coaching-wise, but with them comes the need to get things right this time round, because Frank Lowy's plans for Australian soccer, which include the revamped and revitalised NSL, will not stand on ceremony should a New Zealand entry fail to satisfy the standards expected of it in our trans-tasman neighbour's new-look "shop window" competition. In other words, there will be no opportunity to "start at the bottom and like it" come November.